Some Of My Best Friends Are... (U.S. 1971)

The Gist:

Patrons gather in a Manhattan gay bar on Christmas Eve 1971 for what will end up being a tumultuous evening of high drama. 

Comments:

The movie has a reputation of being a depressing artifact of the time it was made. A position that is hard to argue with. After all, consider its famous last line, spoken when two bartenders shutting down the bar for the night realize they have locked someone inside and say: "Leave him there until morning. Where else does a faggot have to go?" 

Fun times. 

This may be post Stonewall Riots New York, but no one has told anyone in the movie. Many, though admittedly not all, of the gay characters actively believe they are somehow damaged and deserve oppression. Part of that attitude though is that everyone in the bar is some sort of stereotype or another, and boy are there are a lot of them. There are too many characters and story lines to develop very deeply, although character growth doesn't seem to be a very high priority in this jam packed bar. 

Interestingly, the movie is filled with well known or upcoming (for the time) TV and movie actors, which gives the bar an odd sort of familiarity, as if the people here were one cab ride away from being in a "very special episode" of All in the Family. We have:

• A straight mafioso who owns a gay bar
• A fussy sissy waiter who speaks in an affected voice so high that the man he's been speaking to on the telephone doesn't realize he is not a woman
• A bisexual airline pilot (Gil Gerrard) with a heart of gold (more or less) who is feuding with a vindictive fag hag (Rue MccLanahan)
• A belligerent self-hating hustler (Gary Sandy)
• A tortured, married, closeted man who takes hot showers to try to wash the homosexuality off of him after he has sex with his hot Swiss ski instructor lover (who for some reason goes around wearing thick blue eyeshadow)
• A woman with a secret (Candy Darling of Warhol fame) 
• A bar hostess (Fanny Flag) whose job duties includes dancing with gay couples (because in this time it is illegal for men to dance together).  

This is only a partial list of characters. There are so many people and a lot of stuff going on here. Much of it arguably sad. Perhaps because of that sadness, the movie comes off as a plea for sympathy. Not because homophobia is wrong, but rather because these poor twisted people's lives are so screwed up that they deserve the viewers pity.

'Don't hate the fags, the poor wretches got enough troubles of their own' is not exactly a positive 70’s pro gay liberation rallying cry, and the movie is definitely not a high point in LGBT pride, but it is an interesting look at a certain view of late 60's / early 70's queer culture. 

The stories are messy and sad (and if you have issues with feminine men, likely annoying as well), but I think it is worth watching to see how we were once viewed and how far we have or have not come since then. 

Women:

Yes

People of color:

Yes

Gratuitous nudity:

Very brief nudity, though in a very 70's realism way, so natural may be a better adjective than gratuitous 

• Director: Mervyn Nelson
• Writer: Mervyn Nelson
• Actors: Fannie Flagg, Rue McClanahan, Candy Darling, Gil Gerrard, ...
• 110 min
• IMDB

Vampire Boys (U.S. 2011)

The Gist: 

According to the rules of vampirism (as presented in the movie) our main vampire guy must find a lover to spend eternity with before his hundredth 'deathday' or else he and all those he 'turned' will die, or whatever the term is for when an undead creature croaks. He only has a few days to decide between a young woman eager to become murderous creature of the night, or a clueless young man who doesn't even know vampires exist. Oh, who are we kidding, this is a gay horror flick, of course he's going to choose the pretty young man. A choice that will have (obvious) consequences. 

Comments with what amount to major spoilers, but don't really matter:

Seemingly there is a lot happening here, from several (boring) murders, to roommate angst, to the sudden odd injection of the first few minutes of a bisexual porn scene before the movie finally reaches a climax where for a couple minutes it almost, nearly achieves actual action; but in truth, there's barely any story here. Pretty much all that happens is a vampire chooses a twink as his new boyfriend and there's a disagreement regarding if he could have made a better choice. The end. 

Granted there's an hour of material before "the end" happens, but most of that hour is dominated by terrible acting, horrible dialogue, scenes referencing Twilight, shirtless sunbathing vampires, and weird story conventions where our murderous vampires are treated as "good guys" because they're attractive and have great abs or something. 

Unusually the expected 'sex equals death' horror movie trope scene involves a bisexual threesome, with a young woman and two guys who for whatever reason decide to get it on in the middle of a hiking trail. It's an odd scene. Almost explicit, at least compared to the way sex is treated in the rest of the movie. There might be an interesting idea here that transgressive sex in a gay movie means sex involving a woman. Then again there could have been no more thought to it than just allowing the two actors willing to go full frontal nude an opportunity to do so. 

I'm not a big fan of the horror genre and it is possible that I'm just not "getting" the movie.  That it is more than just a poorly made, cheap grab at cash from gay fans of Twilight style pretty boy vampires, who presumably would fork over money for a flash of tight abs and a couple of visible semi flaccid penises.  I doubt it though. 

Women:

A couple, though both barely have lines

People of color:

A couple 

Gratuitous nudity:

Yes

• Director: Charlie Vaughn
• Writer(s): Jeremiah Cambell (screenplay), David S. Sterling, Jeremiah Cambell (Story)
• 70 min
• IMDB 

Angora Ranch (U.S. 2006)

The Gist:

Justin, a young guy who does not get along with his father ends up having to stay over night at the home of Jack, a man old enough to be his father (who in turn also has father issues he is dealing with). They fall into instant love despite the half hearted protests of the older man. Drama ensues. 

Comments:

Unfortunately the movie has problems. A common outcome in many low budget movies where the writer, director, and lead actor are all the same person. In this case Paul Bright, although unlike Altitude Falling, his other May / December gay romance movie between an older man (him) and a guy young enough to be his son, the pairing in this movie is not creepy, just dull. Which is the main issue here, the story is just not interesting. 

Younger gay Justin has issues with his overbearing father and things happen. Older gay Jack has issues with his father who is in the first stages of dementia and things happen. Things get soap opera level silly at the end of the movie, but for the majority of time it's just a rather sedate story with occasional flashes of butts as the leads get in and out bed.

Beyond dullness there are also issues with poor acting, stilted dialogue, horrendous singing, and strange story decisions, such as having everyone in a small, podunk, deep in the heart of Texas town be not only super gay friendly, but also aggressively eager to hook up a young kid with their middle aged friend. The other oddity is in casting with Jack and his father looking more like brothers than parent and son, Apparently the actor playing Jack's father was his real life partner (who died after the movie was made).

Technical issues aside, the basic idea is not necessarily bad: a flawed man meets a younger guy and they make a go of it. It's just that the movie makes the story uninteresting. 

Women:

A couple 

People of color:

No 

Gratuitous nudity:

Occasional bare butts

• Director: Paul Bright
• Writer: Paul Bright
• Actors: Paul Bright, Thomas Romano, Tim Jones
• 96 min
• IMDB

Outrageous! (Canada 1977)

The Gist: 

In late 1970's Toronto, Robin Turner is frustrated with his life and bored with his job as a hairdresser. His best friend Liza moves in with him after she releases herself from a mental institution. As she tries to deal with life outside the institution she encourages him to do what he longs to do, to perform onstage as a female impersonator. 

Comments: 

The movie has an interesting origin, based on "Making It," a short story by Margaret Gibson, which in turn was based on her real life, from when she and Craig Russel were roommates. Craig Russel being the lead actor. In effect he is playing a fictionalized version of himself a few steps removed from his real life as a famous female impersonator known for his skill at 'becoming' famous celebrities such as Tallulah Bankhead, Mae West, and Betty Davis, and singing instead of lip syncing. 

The movie is very "grimy big city dirty" 70's in feel and despite being billed as a comedy, is somewhat dark, perhaps not surprising given the story deals with mental illness, frustrations of life, and is set during winter where everything seems bleak and covered in grey dirty slush. 

The time period makes it pre-AIDS, but despite it's late 70's post Stonewall setting, it is in many ways pre "gay lib" in feel as well, at least in the scenes set in Canada. There seems to be a more active 'gay life' during the New York scenes, but while in Toronto things are more repressed. At one point a character, a hair salon owner, says a line to the effect that he would lose business if the clients knew one of their hairdressers was gay, or even worse a drag queen. A statement that barely makes sense today. 

Despite my repeated description of it seeming a dour story, it is a good movie and an interesting look at life several decades ago and as such shows ways that things have improved or not both for gay life and for people dealing with mental illness. 

Even if none of that sounds interesting to you, if nothing else, it's worth watching for scenes at the end of the movie featuring Craig Russel's act, which is rather fun, though understandably a bit dated in references. 

Women: 

Primarily the roommate, but a few others as well

People of color: 

Not really

Gratuitous nudity:

No

• Director: Richard Benner
• Writers: Richard Benner, Margaret Gibson
• Craig Russel, Hollis McLaren
• 96 min
• IMDB

Half a Person (Canada 2007)

The Gist: 

Two young men, best friends since high school, one gay and outgoing, the other straight and somewhat introverted, take a trip to Toronto that will change their lives. 

Comments with one probably obvious spoiler:

A take on the classic road trip movie story where two people take a life changing trip together. In this case a straight introvert (i.e., frustrated with his dead end life) and his outgoing gay best friend (i.e., self absorbed ass). 

Classic set up or not, it seems many folks don't like the movie. Some because they didn't like the acting (I thought the acting was adequate), others because there was no "story" (which I also disagree with, there is a story, just not a very "loud" one). 

It also gets some hate because despite being included in lists of gay movies, it is not. While I'm not sure that alone makes it worthy of hate, it is true that the focus of the story is on the sad straight guy rather than the gay best friend, and as is, gay best friend's being a self-absorbed ass is far more important than his sexual orientation. 

Which is not to say that there is no "gay" happening in the movie. Gay guy has a boyfriend, although he spends most of the movie ignoring him, and depending how you interpret a scene, there may or may not be an implication that the two leads friendship once became physical in high school. But for the most part, the "gay" in the movie is just minor detail in a story of a young man realizing that he has to move on with his life and leave behind his childhood, including his best friend. 

As is clear from my comments, I didn't hate the movie, although while I thought it was fairly well done for what it is, I would only recommend it if you have an extremely high tolerance for 20-something straight white male angst, because that is essentially 99% of the movie. 

Women: 

Two

People of color:

No 

Gratuitous nudity:

No

• Director: Adam Santangelo
• Writer: Adam Santangelo
• Actors: Nigel Smith, Micheal Majeski
• 70 min
• IMDB

Date and Switch (U.S. 2014)

The Gist: 

High school seniors and best friends Michael and Matty have the traditional teen sex comedy movie problem, they are "still" virgins. So they decide to deal with it in the traditional movie way and pledge to lose their virginity by prom. Except that they aren't in a traditional teenage sex comedy and things get confusing for Michael when Matty comes out of the closet and life goes off in directions he was not prepared for. 

Comments: 

Looking around online it seems a lot of people didn't like the movie that much, or at least that critics didn't much like it. I on the other hand thought it was a fun goofy twist on a high school based comedy. 

Which is not to say it's a great movie. The jokes don't all work, the story and editing could be tighter, and as is traditional for a high school flick, the leads all seem far too old to play teenagers. Also somewhat distractingly, the actor playing Matty either gained or lost weight during the filming. Given the way movies aren't shot in chronological order, it is noticeable (and amusing) how he occasionally gains or drops a few pounds from scene to scene. 

All this aside, it still ends up being a better example of a high school virgin sex comedy. Not that there's a lot of sex going here, since the whole losing your virginity in time for prom thing is just a loose framework to support the real core of the movie, of learning to grow up and dealing with life changing. 

While I liked it, I'm not sure I'd recommend it, or least not without the caveat that you already be predisposed to liking high school comedies, otherwise the angst filled teens will only annoy rather than amuse.

Women: 

Yes, moms, girlfriends, students, workers,...

People of color:

A few

Gratuitous Nudity:

Very brief booty

• Director: Chris Nelson
• Writer: Alan Yang
• Actors: Nicolas Braun, Hunter Cope
• 91 min
• IMDB

Loose Cannons (Mine Vaganti) (Italy 2010)

The Gist: 

Not wanting to be part of the family pasta business, young Tommaso has figured out a way to be free of family obligations. He will come out to his family during an important business dinner and get disinherited by his homophobic father, allowing him to return to Rome to be with his boyfriend. Just as he is about to do so, he is beaten to the punch by his older brother who comes out instead, giving their father a heart attack and throwing both family and business into turmoil. 

Comments:

This is a beautiful movie. Scenes of Italy, of homes, villas, towns and beaches are all travel brochure gorgeous. It makes you want to visit. 

The people in the movie however aren't quite so picture postcard perfect. Everyone is not merely a character, but a "CHARACTER;" drunkard aunt, diabetic wise grandmother, both of the gay brothers, business associates daughter, you can't swing a cat without hitting someone with both a major character flaw and a hidden past. The grandmother's past making up the "emotional heart" of the story as the movie shows people trying to figure out a way to balance family obligations and self fulfillment/personal happiness. 

On top of this the movie spends far too much time with the parents reacting badly to their son coming out of the closet. At one point a character complaining about the provincial homophobic attitude of the parents, exclaims "It's 2010!"

Meaning that they should get over themselves and be more accepting of their son. The exclamation could apply to the plot line itself. This specific type of coming out story, well-to-do parents more concerned about their social standing and facing fears of embarrassment, has been done over and over again, so that these sections of the movie end up being dull.  

So over all, the movie is mostly good, if flawed and occasionally boring whenever it focuses on the parents. Then again, the beauty of Italy largely makes up for the dull coming out plot. 

Women:

Several

People of color:

Not really, just a couple background extras with no lines

Gratuitous nudity:

No

• Director: Ferzan Ozpetek
• Writer: Ivan Cotroneo, Ferzan Ozpetek
• Actors: Ricardo Scamarcio, Alessandro Preziosi, Ennio Fantichini
• 110 min
• Italian
• IMDB

Shut Up and Kiss Me (U.S. 2010)

The Gist:

Ben wants a relationship. Which leads him through questionable dating services, and questionable help from his friends, until he meets Grey, who may just be Mr. Right. Except that they have a major problem. Protagonist Ben wants a monogamous relationship and and potential boyfriend Grey does not. 

Comments (with a major spoiler because there's no real way to talk about the movie's primary problem without mentioning how it ends. Then again it's a romance dramedy so is the ending really that surprising?):

First off, the movie is not very good. There's lots of low budget problems, from a couple of rooms in a house obviously staged as every setting from gym to restaurant to office, to poor dialogue, to characters disappearing with no explanation, to acting levels that are all over the place from mostly good to outright terrible. All things that can be more or less ignored. What can't be ignored is the ending and how the story runs out of steam and collapses in in itself. 

Monogamy vs nonmonogamy should be an interesting topic for a movie. Creating your own rules by rejecting heteronormative demands for monogamy, or choosing the fulfillment found in remaining faithful to one person. This is more than enough to fuel a story. 

Except that none of this is dealt with in any depth beyond having Grey repeatedly say that nonmonogamy is important to him while never explaining why, and protagonist Ben repeatedly saying that monogamy is important to him while also never explaining why.

The movie goes along as expected, where they break up, but then abruptly ends with them back together again with no real change in the status quo and no explanation of why Ben suddenly decided he was okay with Grey having sex with other men other than just saying that he did. The lack of explanation makes it seem as if the movie is an argument for settling for less than what you want in a relationship. I'm pretty sure that's not what the creators intended, but unfortunately it feels like the skill level was not high enough to do more than that. 

The other movie I've seen writer/actor Ronnie Kerr in, Saltwater, is more or less the same basic story with the same problem. Two men, apparently perfect for each other, have one irresolvable issue that they can't work out that prevents them from being boyfriends. Except that they do suddenly get together at the end of the movie with seconds to spare, not by showing them dealing with the problem, but rather only with a quick line of dialogue just saying that they did. 

I like Ronnie Kerr as an actor, and he does "regular gay guy" well enough, but so far the movies I've seen him in are kind of bad. 

Women: 

Friends 

People of color: 

One sassy employee 

Gratuitous nudity:

Yes

• Director: Devin Hamilton
• Writer: Ronnie Kerr
• Actors: Ronnie Kerr, Scott Gabelein
• 787 min
• IMDB 

Let My People Go (France 2011)

The Gist:

After a very bad day at work involving a dead man, a bag of money, and a huge fight with his boyfriend Teemu, Reuben leaves Finland to go home to Paris to his family and their assorted problems and strife just in time for Passover.

Comments:

This movie is an example of a “I’m both gay and ethnic, and ain’t that a hoot!” comedy. Think “My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but where the protagonist is gay and there (usually) isn’t a wedding. If done right, it can be amusing. If not done right, it can end up just a lazy collection of gay and ethnic jokes.

In this case the movie lays it on extremely heavy with the "I'm Jewish" humor, but for the most part it comes across as inoffensive in intent, as Reuben's family argue and grumble, providing most of the drama as he tries to deal with both them and his boyfriend. 

Ultimately it’s a cute, if unsubstantial, movie, with cute actors in unsubstantial roles. Not required viewing, but not bad if you do. I'd say something to play in the background while multitasking doing something else, but given that it is subtitled (dialogue is in Finish, French, and English) that may be a bit hard to do. 

Women:

Yes

People of Color:

Nope

Gratuitous nudity:

A couple of minor incidental butt shots

• Director: Mikael Buch
• Writers: Mikael Buch
• Actors: Nicolas Maury, Jarkko Niemi
• 96 min
• Finish, French, English
• IMDB

Altitude Falling (U.S. 2010)

The Gist:

Against a backdrop of a near future dystopian America that implants its citizens with ID tracking chips, an older man meets a younger guy (with connections to his past) and they fall in love. 

Comments:

The idea of the loss of secrecy due to technology is topic in need of discussion, but in this movie it ends up being boring. Part of the problem is that for a movie being sold as a suspenseful science fiction flick there is very little suspense or action. It also gets bogged down in some of the stereotypes of low budget movies such as bad acting. The young gay guy is very painful to watch at times. 

There's also the fact that more focus is given to the romantic pairing between older guy and young gay then the world they live in. Although this focus may not be surprising given that cross generational romance seems to be a common theme in writer/director/lead actor Paul Bright's movies. 

Even if you have no issues with someone dating a barely legal person more than young enough to be his son, this particular relationship is still questionable because as the story explains older guy is romancing the estranged son of his best friend (whom he also lusted for back in college).  Instead of a testament that when it comes to love, age doesn't matter, the details make the relationship seem creepy. 

Romance aside the oppressive government plot is also strange. Apparently in a decade or so the United States becomes a capitalist / communist / fascist dictatorship, where a female president passes laws directly, forcing people to ride bikes and grow their own food in federally run community gardens. Dialogue makes it seem that all these contradictory adjectives are an un-ironic comment on the Obama presidency (because using hope as a campaign slogan was bad?). 

In short, this is a whole lot of words to say that the movie is "meh."

Women:

The young gay's mother and grandmother

People of color:

If there were any, I blinked and missed them

Gratuitous nudity:

Maybe? I saw none, but an actual real review of the movie mentioned nudity. I saw it online so I guess that version was edited.

• Director: Paul Bright
• Writer: Paul Bright
• Actors: Paul Bright, William Diamond
• 93 min
• Note: The title is mentioned in dialogue as being a bit of Orwellian government double speak. In this global warming disaster affected near future it's not the oceans that are rising, but rather mountains (altitudes) that are lowering. 
• IMDB

The Man of My Life (L'Homme de sa Vie) (France 2006)

The Gist:

A French family holiday in a large house in Provence. As summer rolls on, the middle-aged husband becomes close friends with the middle aged openly gay neighbor, forming a relationship that as it deepens challenges the basic truths both men have built their lives on. 

Comments (with spoilers both minor and perhaps technically more than minor):

Looking around online it seems that some people hate this movie because of long conversations between the two leads as they discuss and argue about the nature of love, passion, and freedom; and mysterious (or at least odd) happenings, such as a strange breeze that forever blows through the kitchen.  All reasons that I liked it and rather enjoyed it. 

From the description and the fact it gets included in lists of gay films, the expectation is that the two male leads fall in love and this would nothing more than a coming out story set against some rather gorgeous scenery. What it actually is a lot more complicated then that and a much better movie because of that complexity. Well, better as long as long conversations about the nature of love, passion, and freedom don't bore you. If that sounds sounds dull, then the movie would be tedious. 

Women:

Many

People of Color:

No

Gratuitous Nudity:

Nude swimming happens

• Director: Zabou Brietman
• Writers: Zabou Brietman, Agnès de Sacy
• Actors: Bernard Campan, Lea Drucker, Charles Berling
• 114 min
• French
• IMDB

Guys and Balls (Männer wie wir) (Germany 2004)

The Gist:

Ecki is the golden boy star goalie of his town's football (soccer) team. That is until he's accidentally outed one drunk night after a bad game. After he is kicked off the team for being gay, he vows to form a gay team to play against his former teammates, heading out to the big city to do just that.

Comments (with spoiler):

This is pretty much the definitive "Gay athlete joins a gay team to victory" movie. That is: 

1. Athlete comes out/is outed.
2. Athlete gets kicked off team.
3. Athlete joins an existing or forms a new rag tag gay team
4. Gay team plays his old straight team and wins proving that gays are just as tough as the straights! 

While all this technically counts as a spoiler, the story should not be a surprise to anyone who's ever seen a movie before. While fairly predictable, the movie is actually fair to good, though with some issues. 

Considering some of the jokes, and that the gay team ends up being an assembly of assorted gay stereotypes, it's pretty clear that the movie was written/intended for a wide audience not too familiar with gay culture. Although to be fair, the S&M guys and others are much less over the top than you would expect in an American movie.

Despite this, it's still worth a watch if you feel like something unchallenging and cute, though obviously not if you hate soccer.

Women: 

Sister, mother, would-be girlfriends, in other words, the real world

People of color:

A few of the gay teammates

Gratuitous nudity:

Some minor locker room stuff as a joke

• Director: Sherry Horman
• Writer: Benedict Gollhardt
• Actors: Maximilian Brückner, Dietmar Bär
• 106 min
• IMDB

Theft (AKA: Theft of the Drag Queen’s Wig) (U.S. 2007)

The Gist:

In a small Texan town, an up and coming Christian preacher decides that the quickest route from small town preacher to big time TV evangelist is for her to go after the local gay leather bar by framing it's new owner for arson. While this is happening, a stranger comes to town and secrets will be revealed. 

Comments:

There's something about this movie that makes it seem mean to just write that it is bad, there's an earnestness about it, but bad is the best adjective for it. Acting is meh to okay, and how a small Texan town manages to have enough local leather enthusiast gay men to not only support a gay bar, but one that "specializes" as a leather bar is never explained.

The focus is split between three main things: the overacting antics of the preacher, unfunny drag comedy skits at the leather bar, and the bar owner and stranger falling in "like" with each other. Of the three story lines, only the "romance" manages to be sort okay, but sort of okay doesn't compensate for the rest of the movie being boring and poorly acted. 

Women:

Preacher and church goers 

People of color:

At least one of the background leather guys though I don't think he had any lines, so technically no

Gratuitous nudity: 

Partial? Maybe? I saw it yesterday and it's already proving to be unmemorable

• Director: Paul Bright
• Writer: Paul Bright
• Actors: Mathew Burnett, Cynthia Schiebel, Patrick Henderson
• 90 min
• Note: While Theft of the Drag Queen's Wig appears to be the original working title and Theft the final title, both titles are in use at different websites as it's actual title.
• IMDB

GBF (U.S. 2013)

The Gist:

The top three ruling popular girls at a high school, having learned from magazines, TV, and movies that every woman needs a gay best friend (GBF), try to out maneuver each other to swoop up the only (accidentally) out gay on campus, nerdy boy Tanner, to ensure that they, and not their two rivals, will be prom queen.

While dealing with his sudden found popularity, Tanner also has to figure out how to deal with his best friends who are now all angry with him. 

Comments (with a mild not really surprising or relevant to plot spoiler): 

The story description has all the earmarks of potential horribleness, but it surprisingly manages not to be. Which is not to say that it's particularly good. Cute would be a better adjective. Also fluffy. Cute and fluffy. 

It's decent quality wise and is amusing, if not laugh out loud funny. 

There is also a lesson in it somewhere. Something about being true to yourself, or accepting people as people and not objects, or something something high school something something, but well, the lesson isn't perhaps super important when there's so much cuteness going on. Also fluffiness. Cuteness and fluffiness. 

Oddly it's rated R, because as cute and fluffy as the movies is, apparently the sight of two teen boys kissing means that actual high school teens are presumed to be too young to see it without adult supervision. Spoiler, you get to see two high school "age" boys kissing. 

Joke aside, the rating is rather annoying, because compared to most high school teen movies, this one is rather sweet and innocent, leaving "the gay" as the only reason for the R. 

Women:

Yes

People of color:

Some

Gratuitous nudity:

No

• Director: Darren Stein
• Writer: George Northy
• Actors: Tanner Daniels, Brent Van Camp, FAwcett Brooks, Shely Osgoode, Caprice Winters
• 92 min
• IMDB

Horror in the Wind (U.S. 2008)

The Gist:

Two oddball scientists are attempting to become rich by creating a pest control "formula" that eliminates rat's sex drive. President Pat Robertson hears of the project and steals it to spray over the entire world as part of his war against premarital sex. Unfortunately the "formula" doesn't actually stop rats (and people) from having sex, it just changes your sexual orientation, threatening to turn the entire world gay. While all this "science" and "intrigue" is going on, the two oddball scientist's wives do a lot of nude yoga together. 

Comments with major and unimportant spoilers: 

The movie pretty much fulfills all the stereotypes of terrible low budget movies. Everything from acting to plot to technical issues and special effects is bad. Worse, it also fails at humor, so instead of the farce with comments about religion, homophobia, and politics that the premise sets it up to be, it's just boring. 

Also slow. There are so many montages going on. "We are doing science" montages, "we are fishing" montages, "the entire world is now gay and loving it and having sex but we aren't" montages. That last one counting as character development I guess, because despite having been turned gay and falling in love the two goofy scientist leads are moody and wishy washy about moving their bromance up to next level of actual sex even though everyone else in the world appears to be reveling in gay as the new norm. 

Put short, it's not good. 

Women: 

Several 

People of color:

Barely

Gratuitous nudity:

One quick partial male butt, and lots of female baldy parts during the female nude yoga scenes (because nothing says gay movie like female nudity?)

• Director: Max Mitchel
• Writer: Max Mitchel
• Actors: Perren Hedderson, Morse Bicknell, Courtney Bell, Jiji Hise
• 90 min
• IMDB

Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same (US 2011)

The Gist:

When they are determined to be a threat to their planet's environment because of their "big feeling," three alien lesbians are shipped off to earth to fix them. That is, the Earth lesbian dating scene sucks so bad that it will break their hearts and eliminate those pesky emotions, er "big feelings."

Except that it does not go quite to plan and one of the aliens, Zoinx, ends up in a relationship with a bit of a sad sack woman named Jane, while two "Men in black" guys observe the goings on. 

Comments:

It's difficult to make a low budget comedy which riffs on bad low budget movies without ending up bad in the process, but this movie succeeds. Well, mostly. There are parts that are a bit rough / are weaker than others. Also, while it is funny, the jokes, at least for me, were a bit more smirky humorous than laugh out loud hilarious.

Even though I think it was well done, it is not something I'd recommend without hesitation unless you were into oddball, quiet humor, have a high tolerance for nonsensical plots, and a love for silly 50’s sci-fi B-movies. 

Women:

Well, yes… Obviously 

People of Color:

Some of the Earth women dates 

Gratuitous nudity:

No 

• Director: Madeleine Olnek
• Writer: Madeleine Olnek
• Actors: Lisa Haas, Susan Ziegler, Jackie Monahan, Cynthia Kapalan
• 76 min
• IMDB

Simon (Netherlands 2004)

The Gist:

Shy gay dental student Camiel is drawn into the life of outgoing, outrageous, libertine straight man Simon, at least until they have a falling out that is. They meet again years later and Camiel is once again pulled into Simon's life and circle of friends, except this time things are more serious. 

Comments:

First off, despite being included in various lists of "gay movies," it is not a gay themed movie. 

It does not have a 'gay protagonist' per say as much as it has a protagonist who just happens to be gay. His being being a somewhat introverted person who is more an observer of life than participant is far more important to the story than his sexual orientation. 

So, not a gay movie. What it is though is a pretty good story about living life and facing death. It's worth watching, though with a caveat, or rather a warning, that charismatic Simon who serves as our lesson giver and guide to fully embracing life and facing death is a drug dealing, egotistical, misogynistic ass. One with a "heart of gold," but still an unmitigated ass. 

Women:

Yes

People of color:

Yes

Gratuitous nudity:

Topless women 

• Director: Eddy Terstall
• Writer: Eddy Terstall
• Actors: Cees Geel, Marcel Hensema
• 102 min
• Dutch, English, German, Thai
• IMDB

Romeos (Romeos ...Anders Als du Denkst!) (Germany 2011)

The Gist: 

Lukas, a young German transsexual man in the processes of transitioning has been, much to his annoyance, assigned to female housing during his civil service. 

Luckily, a friend from his home town, Ine, is already there, and through her he meets a new group of largely gay and lesbian friends including Fabio, the closeted "Alpha Gay" of the group. There is an instant bond between the two, and as their connection deepens, Lukas must deal with the risks and consequences of coming out to Fabio. 

Comments:

The movie is really good and is an interesting view of a man transitioning. 

It ends up being a celebration of "maleness," both physical and emotional, not only in Lukas exhilarating in the changes his body is going through, but also in every scene between Lukas and Fabio acting super cocky with each other in the way that young men sometimes do when they're burning with so much excess energy they have no idea what to do with themselves. 

The movie practically sweats testosterone. 

Part of that maleness and change though is that Lukas is at times self absorbed to the point of being a jerk to his friends and family (so it kind of just desserts that he falls for the only character even more self absorbed than he is).

Women: 

Several

People of color:

Some

Gratuitous Nudity:

Some bare butts and bare breasts

• Director: Sabine Bernardi
• Writer: Sabine Bernardi
• Actors: Rick Okon, Maximilian Befort
• 94 min
• German
• IMDB 

Morgan (U.S. 2012)

The Gist:

A young man, Morgan, returns home after recovering from a bike racing accident that left him a paraplegic. Depressed and with no real direction in life, he meets Dean and the two soon fall in love, starting a relationship that is soon put to the test when Morgan decides to enter the wheelchair category of the race that crippled him. 

Comments:

I did a cursory look at the movie's IMDB page and it seems that many people hate it as being poorly made and unbelievable. 

I'm in the minority it seems, because I liked it. Although even in liking it, I'm fully aware that quality wise it's just okay, and content wise it's totally a sappy "lifetime" TV movie of a person overcoming an obstacle while wallowing in melodrama. Although in this case instead of an angst filled woman, we have an angst filled, not particularly stereotypical gay man. 

If adequately done "overcoming personal challenge" movies are your thing, it may be worth a watch. If not, then the entire movie will annoy. 

Women:

Mother and best friend

People of color: 

One best friend 

Gratuitous nudity:

A quick bare butt shot

• Director: Michael D. Akers
• Writers: Michael D. Akers, Sandon Berg
• Actors: Leo Minaya, Jack Kesy
• 89 min
• IMDB

Saltwater (U.S. 2012)

The Gist:

Will has left the Navy for civilian life and has temporarily moved in with his friend Rich until he gets settled. Rich immediately sets out to get Will a boyfriend, choosing a extremely tall Australian named Josh (who is played by a famous former rugby player). They have an immediate connection, but after a bad first date, will they ever get the timing right to be more than just almost friends?

Comments with major spoilers, obvious and not:

First off, the movie is terrible. It's more than just bad acting, bad music, or what distractingly appears to be a single house doubling as almost every location, from restaurant to lawyers office. The major problem is perhaps the basic premise of the story, that these two men belong together. 

Their first date ends abruptly when the two fight about DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell), the then contemporary, now old policy of letting queer members of the military serve if they lied about not being straight.  An argument that is never resolved. This is followed by scene after scene of misunderstandings, mistiming, and hurt feelings, all working to show that they can barely manage to even be acquaintances let alone friends or even boyfriends.

It takes a totally out of left field death and it's resulting drama to finally push the story towards the expected sappy ending conclusion. Although even in that happy ending there is a huge amount of hand waving away of problems, by just telling the audience in monologue that Will "chose to be happy," which apparently means that none of the multiple issues keeping them apart mattered enough to show them dealing with them on screen.

Women: 

A few, though only one really really counts as an actual character

People of color:

One minor role

Gratuitous nudity

No

• Director: Charlie Vaughn
• Writer: Ronnie Kerr
• Actors: Ronnie Kerr, Ian Roberts, Bruce L. Hart
• 81 min
• IMDB

The Skinny (U.S. 2012)

The Gist:

Best friends from college, three gay men and a lesbian, get together for New York gay pride weekend. One discovers something about his boyfriend, two can't get laid, one can't ever stop having sex, and the last, a virgin, is desperately in love with his oversexed friend. Drugs, liquor, lies, and drama ensues. 

Comments:

I had a little bit of difficulty connecting to the characters because they are all essentially trust fund kids. They come from monied families where getting a condo or a year long European trip as a graduation present is expected and normal. With two exceptions that is, one of the young men isn't merely exceedingly well off, he's just out and out mega-rich, while another is "living on public assistance" ghetto projects poor. There are no middle class African-Americans in the story. None of the major characters at least. 

The other connection difficulty was of characterization. One of the guys is shown as super innocent to the point of willful dis-knowledge to way the world works, which makes him a bit too unrealistic to be believable, although super innocent is at least a more interesting trait than the main protagonist's defining characteristic, that he's perfect. 

Structure wise, it sort of feels like several episodes of a TV or web series strung together rather than a singular movie. 

Which all sounds like I didn't like it, which isn't true. Production and acting are good and while the story goes a little too melodrama for my personal taste, overall it's a good movie. 

Women:

Two

People of color: 

Yes

Gratuitous nudity:

Yes

• Director: Patrik-Ian Polk
• Writer: Patrik-Ian Polk
• Actors: Jussie Smollett, Anthony Burrell, Blake Young-Fountain, Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman, Jennia Fredrique
• 103 min
• IMDB

The Perfect Wedding (U.S. 2012)

The Gist:

A young woman comes home for the holidays to plan her upcoming wedding. She would rather it be small, but her mother is looking to make it a huge gala of an event. If that weren't enough, there are other issues going on, her father is ill, and her brother is an alcoholic, slowly rebuilding his life after he caused it to fall apart. More so, her close friend who also happens to be her brother's ex-boyfriend is coming to help plan the wedding, and in order not to seem pathetically single, the ex-boyfriend has convinced a former boyfriend to come along to pretend to be his new boyfriend. Unfortunately the alcoholic gay brother and the ex-boyfriend's pretend new boyfriend (who is in fact his former boyfriend) share an instant connection, and if not yet apparent, the gay alcoholic brother and the boyfriend shenanigans is the actual "A" storyline going on here. 

Comments:

There are regular run of the mill "dramedy" movies and then there are "Hallmark cable" style ones, where everything is amped to 11 and it's filled to overflowing with mild-ish melodrama, angst, illness, amusing hijinks, and the triumph of love over all. 

This is the latter, and would fit right in a marathon of TV movies about overcoming obstacles to achieve romance during the holidays. 

If you hate cable-style light dramedy pics, it's obviously not worth watching, although in its favor, it's a very well made example of one, and it is a nice sign of change that being gay just an accepted fact of life and is not the source of any of the angst or illness or drama, other than the angst of romance that is. 

Women: 

Yes

People of color:

The adopted sister

Gratuitous nudity:

Shirtless scenes, but no actual nudity

• Director: Scott Gabriel
• Writers: Ed Gaffney, Suzanne Brockmann, Jason T. Gaffney
• Actors: Paul Fowler, Gavin Greene
• 82 min
• IMDB

Beatific Vision (U.S. 2008)

The Gist:

Michael has little time to grieve when his lover Chad dies, because "Angel Chad" (an all seeing/knowing voice) immediately comes back from the dead to cajole "guide" Michael to what dead angel Chad sees as best for him, a new unconventional family.

Comments with major spoilers:

Beatific vision is a part of Christian theology, overly simplified, it's sort of seeing /communing with god. In the case of the movie, the communing is not with god, but with the voice of dead Chad, and it's not so much communing as much as just dead Chad manipulating Michael into what dead Chad sees as best for Michael, a sexual triad relationship with two men, who have a familial relationship with two women, Michael's best friend and her girlfriend, the former wife of one of Michael's two new lovers. 

According to the IMDB plot summary, there's more details, such as dead Chad having died from brain cancer (I must have missed the line explaining this), and that dead Chad having seen Michael's future, decides to intervene. Another line of dialogue I must have missed, because from the movie I saw, it was pretty clear that controlling Michael's life was Chad's intent, even before he died. Coming back after death just made the job easier. 

It seems that the idea was to make a movie about spirituality, but what it ends up being is a weird thing, where the dead come back to control your life, which I don't think technically counts as spiritual. 

With a leather daddy with daddy issues, a newly out overly shy awkward therapist, a bold young student of human sexuality, a lesbian best friend, the newly out lesbian ex-wife of the newly out overly shy awkward therapist, and the bossy dead “angel” lover of the leather daddy with daddy issues, this movie has a lot of oddity going on, and in the end it isn’t able to make it work. Put more simply, it’s bad.  

Women:

Two (out of a cast of five).

People of color:

All the men. Well, all the living men anyway.

Gratuitous nudity:

Yes

• Director: Sountru
• Writer: Sountru
• Actors: Joe Higachi, Norm Munoz, Marianne Shine, Michael Vega
• 70 min
• IMDB

10 Attitudes (U.S. 2001)

The Gist:

Josh finds out his boyfriend has been cheating on him, and subsequently ends the relationship, or is dumped. It’s not exactly clear which is supposed to have happened, since one is shown but the other is said in dialogue. Regardless, not taking his newly single status as a 30-something “regular guy” very well, he threatens to leave California and go back home to Ohio.  A friend makes a bet that he can find Josh a new boyfriend within 10 dates and that if this doesn't work, he can give up and head back home. Ten dates, the ten attitudes of the title, ensue. 

Comments with mostly obvious spoilers:

Being very kind, the movie hovers at the edge of bad and just barely okay.

There are several problems here. It feels as if the dates (at least the dates that were not dialogue free montages) were just exercises in improvisation, with the sole rule being that the date has to quickly go bad. I haven't bothered researching to see if this is true, but it is an issue, because if this is the case, several of the actors aren't very good at improv, and if they weren't improvising and had actual written dialogue, then there was a major problem with writing and acting skills. 

It is also at just under 90 minutes, far too long. Much of this length is taken up by an overabundance of montages. Besides dating montages, there are location establishing montages, as well as ones to show that this is a topical "current" movie by showing people doing topical "current" things like talking into their flip cell phones while standing in line for coffee. Besides adding unneeded time, it makes the movie feel badly dated. 

I get that it is supposed to be an amusing critique of the Los Angeles / West Hollywood dating scene, but it never reaches the point of being funny, a fatal flaw for a comedy. Instead of humor it just rambles along aimlessly, showing dates both good and bad (never bothering to explain why the good dates don't lead to anything more), before finally coming to the slightly unexpected ending.

Okay, never mind the idea of it being just barely okay. It’s just bad.

Women:

A few, including Judy Tenuta as a wacky (and largely incompetent) therapist.

People of color:

One of the dates and a couple of minor characters. 

Gratuitous nudity: 

Nope

• Director: Michael Gallant
• Writer: Michael Gallant
• Actor: Jason Stuart
• 87 min
• IMDB