Gaydar (US 2002)

The Gist: 

Randy comes across the ultimate yard sale find, a “gaydar” gun that can tell if a person is gay or straight. Something that would come in handy in figuring out the facts about Jack, the cute man at work that everyone, gays and women alike, has a huge crush on. 

Comments:

A comedy short film where gaydar, the ability to tell if someone is gay or not, is not only real, it’s a goofy looking handheld appliance.  

There’s appearances by Charles Nelson Reilly and Jim J. Bullock, and the lead Terry Ray is amusing as our childish fey lead. In truth there’s not much to the story, just goofy silly fun.

Women:

Yes

People of color:

Yes

Gratuitous nudity:

No

• Director: Larry LaFond
• Writers: Larry LaFond, Terry ray
• Actors: Terry Ray, Bryan Dattilo, Charles Nelson Reily 
• Short film
• 20 minutes
• IMDB

Food of Love (Spain/Germany 2002)

The Gist:

18 year old Paul, an aspiring pianist with a promising future, is hired to be a page turner at a concert for a world famous pianist where he becomes an instant object of attention for both the pianist, Kennington, and Kennington's agent/boyfriend. Six months later while on holiday in Barcelona with his mother, Paul once again meets Kennington, where after some astonishingly cheesy pickup lines are said, they begin an affair that will impact their lives.  

Comments (with spoilers important and not):

Our young Ganymede is apparently so attractive that older gay men fall into such strong lust with him they easily ignore the fact that he's a self-absorbed cruel brat. A good thing for Paul considering he has a thing for older guys he'd never have a chance with if they paid attention to his personality. 

Beyond Paul, his mother is written as a hysterical willing victim (her husband having left her for another woman, and her son continually berating her for the crime of existing), and the Kennington and his agent/boyfriend are both little more than scared jerks. The end result of all this angst and people acting badly is that I never got around to caring about any of them.

I was instead distracted by a minor detail. Paul goes to New York for schooling. Once there he comes out of the closet and starts building his identity as a gay man, right at the same time as he goes from gifted, promising, upcoming musical talent to being merely competent with limited future. I assume there is not supposed to be a correlation between the two, but it's easily read that way, and the idea that being openly gay and happy destroys his musical talent seems... odd. 

Regardless of my issues, it's a good movie. The story is well told and well acted (more or less). I just didn't care about it. 

Women: 

Just two of any importance, Paul's mother and his music teacher. 

People of color:

No

  

Gratuitous nudity: 

Some quick butt shots

• Director: Ventura Pons
• Writer: Ventura Pons
• Actors: Kevin Bishop, Paul Rhys, Juliet Stevenson
• 112 min
• Based on the novel The Page Turner by David Leavitt
• IMDB

Issues 101 (U.S. 2002)

The Gist:

Joe is man (aged 18? 36?) who in quick succession comes out of the closet (more or less) and goes off to college (as a freshman?). Once there he meets, and falls in and out of love with a straight frat dude in less time than it takes to drink a beer. This feat accomplished, he rushes a frat and quickly ends up sleeping with his "older" frat mentor Christian. Despite Christian's habit of sleeping his way through fraternity pledges, he is "straight," or at least "straight with issues." Then again considering  Christian sets up Joe with his openly gay younger brother (despite obviously wanting Joe for himself), dumb is probably a better descriptor than straight with issues.

While all this is happening, Joe runs for student body president (as a freshman?), people are angst filled (or at least as angst filled as their acting abilities allow), male actors flash their bare butts at the camera for no reason, and you as viewer end up wondering why you're watching such schlock in the first place.

Comments: 

This movie is bad. No, that's too kind. It's terrible. This is "gay movies suck" stereotype kind of horrible. 

There's a lot wrong here. Nonsensical story, ridiculous sets (one of the frat houses seems to consist solely of a bare wall with Greek letters taped onto it), non-existent acting skills, this movie has it all. 

Even with all this going on, one of the strangest things about the movie is the protagonist Joe. It's not clear just old he is supposed to be. The story is more or less written as if he were 18-ish, yet the actor playing him is a thin haired man who looks to be in his mid-thirties (and at least 15 years senior to his "older" frat brother mentor) so it feels like he's an almost middle aged adult who've decided to go back to school to join a fraternity. His characterization is also wildly inconsistent. Depending on scene, he is unbelievably naive or a sage elder, a wide-eyed brand new baby gay or jaded old bitter queen. 

To be fair, it's not all bad. A good thing about the movie is... well, if you're into skinny white guys, there are occasional flashes of skinny white butts. Then again considering you can see much better looking bare male butts on the internet for free, this is not really a selling point. 

There's also... I guess you could watch it as a lesson on what not to do if filming your own independent movie. 

Sadly, the best thing I can say about this movie is that there are even worse ones out there.

Women: 

If you count roles with any lines at all, a few. 

If you count roles with more than a single line, then two. A mean woman running against Joe for student body president, and Christian's girlfriend who by movies' end apparently still doesn't know that her boyfriend is a total power bottom who constantly cheats on her. Somehow this is supposed to be a happy ending.

People of color:

Nope. 

Gratuitous nudity:

Yup.

• Director: John Lincoln
• Writer: John Lincoln
• Actors: Michael Rozman, Dennis W. Rittenhouse Jr.
• 90 Min
• IMDB