Unsolved Suburbia (US 2010)

The Gist:

Bisexual high school student Marty and his friends try to solve the case of who shot their friend Eddie while Eddie was in a car making out with his boyfriend Thomas.

At least that’s more or less the plot description I’ve found online. The movie I saw fell more along the lines of: 

No one tries to solve an attempted murder. We eventually get told what happened by someone who wasn’t there and would have no way of knowing what happened. Characters who are supposed to be in high school and may or or may not be of legal age take off their clothes a lot for no reason. 

Comments with spoilers because I don't care: 

So we have a sort of film noir wanna-be murder mystery where there is no actual murder and no one takes on the detective role trying to solve the case of “Who tried to kill Eddie, his angry gangbanger brother or Eddie’s boyfriend’s angry gangbanger brother?" 

A movie where teenagers, both boys and girls, take their clothes off for no reason. One where character after character after character is introduced yet they all don’t seem to be in the same movie, some are in a mobster flick, some are in a high school teen sex comedy, others in an “I can’t accept my gay family member because I’m ethnic” coming out melodrama, others in a gang banger movie, and yet others are in a teen angst drama. 

A movie where characters are all written to operate in only one of two modes, weepy sad or mean bitch, and yet none of the actors have enough skill to pull either off, settling into a medium of whiny cranky. 

So yeah, this thing is a huge mess with numerous problems including an overly confusing and ultimately boring story that feels like it took several hours to tell despite only being an hour or so long. 

Women:

Yes

People of color:

Yes

Gratuitous nudity: 

Yes, both "teenage" boys and girls drop clothes for no reason

• Director: Cheetah Gonzalez (aka Steven Vasquez) 
• Writers: Jeremy Huntington, Cheetah Gonzalez (aka Steven Vasquez) 
• Actors: Johnny Lockhart, Steven Christopher, Aleksandr Dissan, David Blanco
• 65 minutes
• IMDB

Alex and Leo (Alex und der Löwe) (Germany 2010)

The Gist:

Timid Alex and subdued Leo, who have just broken up with respectively, a boyfriend and a girlfriend, meet and are obviously attracted to each other. Alex introduces Leo to his group of friends, two women and an annoying gay man, who are all wacky when not being morose. Will Alex and Leo do anything about being obviously attracted to each other such as immediately jumping into a serious long-term relationship before the dust settles from the disasters of their last relationships? 

Comments (with obvious spoilers):

The movie is a romance comedy that doesn't quite work. There are low budget issues and 'meh' level of acting skills, but even ignoring those, it doesn't solve the movie's main problem, that it's kind of boring. 

There's some very minor character development, mainly in the leads becoming slightly less meek by the time the story ends, but other than that, not much really happens other than Alex's friends alternating between being weird and kooky, or hungover and morose. Unfortunately neither extreme is interesting. To qualify, the women are kooky and or morose; the annoying gay friend is just written as an asshole. So much so it's not clear why anyone remains friends with him. 

The other not clear thing is just why Alex and Leo are so into each other. That's partially due to the actors having no 'chemistry' with each other, but also due to the way the characters are written. That's not to say they would not have had sex. That's totally plausible. It's the falling in love and wanting a relationship that didn't ring true. 

The movie is also somewhat disappointing in that sexuality is rather rigidly limited here. Leo, who has spent the past four years in a relationship with a woman, isn't allowed to be bisexual, fluid in his preferences, flexible, not strictly heterosexual, or just "unlabeled." Instead there only two options, 100% gay or 100% straight, so being with a man means he must be gay and his prior relationships with women all lies.

On the positive side, there are some funny bits, and there's a certain raw charm to the story. I guess for some folks it would also be a plus that Marcel Schlutt who plays not-straight Leo has done porn. He doesn't actually get full on naked though and he's only okay as an actor, so if that's the only draw, it's not worth it. 

I intended to write that the movie was okay even if it was not worth seeking out, but given all the words I'm using here, from poor acting to boring to disappointing, I guess okay is too positive an adjective. 

Women: 
Yes

People of color:
One person has one line

Gratuitous nudity: 
Sort of. There's a sex scene that nearly, but doesn't quite show butt

• Director: Ives-Yuri Garate 
• Writer: Andre Schneider
• Actors: Marcel Schlutt, Andre Schneider, Sascia Haj, Udo Lutz
• 96 min
• Dialogue is in German
• IMDB

The Four-Faced Liar (U.S. 2010)

The Gist:

Five college-age people, two straight couples and a womanizing lesbian meet in an Irish bar, not as the lead into a bad joke, but rather as the start of a romantic drama, where after becoming friends with the lesbian character, one of the straight women realizes that she does not have to live the life that was planned and laid out for her in excruciatingly exact detail from birth to wedding to death.

Comments (with one big semi-spoiler):

The one big semi-spoiler is this: (Possibly?) in order to make the protagonist seem less of a "bad person" for having an affair with her new lesbian best friend, the story has her boyfriend do some terrible things to help "accidentally" push her away from him. Which I only bring up because this creates a huge problem for me in that he crosses lines which should have made him a pariah in his circle of friends rather than just being treated as the poor guy whose girlfriend dumped him for a woman. 

Other than that, this is essentially a standard romance drama following many of the standard romance drama rules of people falling in and out of love, acting stupid, misunderstandings, and predictability before the couple you expect to end up together finally end up up together. 

Women:

Several (a good thing considering this is a lesbian love story)

People of color:

None. It seems New York City only has white people living in it

Gratuitous nudity:

Not really

• Director: Jacob Chase
• Writer: Marja-Lewis Ryan
• Actors: Marja-Lewis Ryan, Daniel Carlisle, Todd Kubrak, Emily Peck, Liz Osborn
• 87 min
• IMDB

Oy Vey My Son Is Gay!! (US 2010)

The Gist: 

A gay man comes out to his family. A family that is not merely Jewish, but are instead JEWISH! His boyfriend is already out to his family who are similarly not merely Sicilian, but SICILIAN! The two families must learn to accept each other as the boys look to not only to live a life together, but to do so as adoptive fathers. 

Comments: 

The acting and production are more or less okay, but over all the movie is not so much more or less okay as much as it's boring. 

Boring for a couple of reasons. It is not merely an "I'm both gay and ethnic and ain't that a hoot" comedy, but one doubled, so that both gay guys have over the top families allowing for a lot of over the top ethnic jokes, and frankly there's a very low limit to how many Jewish and/or Italian jokes can be chucked at the audience before it gets monotonous. 

The other issue pushing it towards dullness is that the focus of the movie is primarily on the Jewish parents, dealing with the "shock" of their son being gay. What did we do wrong? How could he do this to us? My son better be the "man" of the relationship!  How will my gay son affect my social standing in the community? Why is he choosing to embarrass me this way? The usual predictable stuff, that has been rehashed repeatedly in this type of movie to the point where I could not be bothered to care about anything happening on screen anymore 

Women: 

Several 

People of color: 

Not really 

Gratuitous nudity 

No

• Director: Evgeny Afineevsky
• Writers: Evgeny Afineevsky, Menahem Golan
• Actors: John Lloyd Young, Jai Rodriguez, Lainie Kazan, Saul Rubinek
• 90 min
• IMDB

Pooltime (US 2010)

The Gist: 

A 40-something gay man claiming he is bored with his stereotypical life of partying and one night stands, invites three friends over (his best friend, an ex-boyfriend, and a former hook-up) to see if one of them would make a good husband. He then remembers why they wouldn't. As this happens, bizarre people drop by, and a dubious lesson on how to get laid is given to a straight teenage nephew. 

Comments: 

The opening credits feature swimming speedo clad men and it's arguable that this is the highlight of the movie. Well, perhaps that's too mean. Although from all the underwater crotch shots and scenes where the camera is focused on their bodies rather than say, their faces, as the principles talk, it seems like the movie mainly exists as an excuse to watch skinny barely dressed men. 

"Mainly exists," because beyond the skin, there's not much else here. Just a mix of adequate to strangely bad acting, the standard boring jokes about how everyone in West Hollywood is a terrible person, and the idea that after a couple decades of meaningless partying, protagonist David is finally ready to settle down. Although that last bit is questionable. If he really were ready to settle down, why would his tactic to find a husband consist of revisiting old failed relationships? As is, the movie has already decided which of the three prospects is his perfect partner. They both know it as well, but are too wussy to do anything about it. 

In addition to his half hearted husband quest, there are some questionable lessons provided, that romance is foolish, that if you're gay only anal sex counts as "real sex," and that people never change. 

There is also a lesson for a young teenage nephew, who gets lectured by the gays on dating girls and how to get laid. He needs to become the straight version of them, a vain metrosexual concerned with looks and money and style over substance. They also teach him that girls are manipulative creatures and will get pregnant just to get a man. Poor sad nephew, being straight sucks. Then again, if these guys are any indication, being gay isn't much better. 

So yeah. Maybe the opening credits of swimming speedo clad men really is the best part of the movie. 

Women: 

A few: a party crashing mom, one mean sister, and a neighbor 

People of color:

A couple 

Gratuitous nudity:

No actual nudity, though there is lots of skin showing thanks to skimpy "gay" swimwear

• Director: Mike Donahue
• Writer: Mike Donahue
• Actors: Marcus Harwell, Jeffrey Patrick Olson, Mark C. Hanson, Junes Zadhi
• 87 min
• IMDB

Loose Cannons (Mine Vaganti) (Italy 2010)

The Gist: 

Not wanting to be part of the family pasta business, young Tommaso has figured out a way to be free of family obligations. He will come out to his family during an important business dinner and get disinherited by his homophobic father, allowing him to return to Rome to be with his boyfriend. Just as he is about to do so, he is beaten to the punch by his older brother who comes out instead, giving their father a heart attack and throwing both family and business into turmoil. 

Comments:

This is a beautiful movie. Scenes of Italy, of homes, villas, towns and beaches are all travel brochure gorgeous. It makes you want to visit. 

The people in the movie however aren't quite so picture postcard perfect. Everyone is not merely a character, but a "CHARACTER;" drunkard aunt, diabetic wise grandmother, both of the gay brothers, business associates daughter, you can't swing a cat without hitting someone with both a major character flaw and a hidden past. The grandmother's past making up the "emotional heart" of the story as the movie shows people trying to figure out a way to balance family obligations and self fulfillment/personal happiness. 

On top of this the movie spends far too much time with the parents reacting badly to their son coming out of the closet. At one point a character complaining about the provincial homophobic attitude of the parents, exclaims "It's 2010!"

Meaning that they should get over themselves and be more accepting of their son. The exclamation could apply to the plot line itself. This specific type of coming out story, well-to-do parents more concerned about their social standing and facing fears of embarrassment, has been done over and over again, so that these sections of the movie end up being dull.  

So over all, the movie is mostly good, if flawed and occasionally boring whenever it focuses on the parents. Then again, the beauty of Italy largely makes up for the dull coming out plot. 

Women:

Several

People of color:

Not really, just a couple background extras with no lines

Gratuitous nudity:

No

• Director: Ferzan Ozpetek
• Writer: Ivan Cotroneo, Ferzan Ozpetek
• Actors: Ricardo Scamarcio, Alessandro Preziosi, Ennio Fantichini
• 110 min
• Italian
• IMDB

Shut Up and Kiss Me (U.S. 2010)

The Gist:

Ben wants a relationship. Which leads him through questionable dating services, and questionable help from his friends, until he meets Grey, who may just be Mr. Right. Except that they have a major problem. Protagonist Ben wants a monogamous relationship and and potential boyfriend Grey does not. 

Comments (with a major spoiler because there's no real way to talk about the movie's primary problem without mentioning how it ends. Then again it's a romance dramedy so is the ending really that surprising?):

First off, the movie is not very good. There's lots of low budget problems, from a couple of rooms in a house obviously staged as every setting from gym to restaurant to office, to poor dialogue, to characters disappearing with no explanation, to acting levels that are all over the place from mostly good to outright terrible. All things that can be more or less ignored. What can't be ignored is the ending and how the story runs out of steam and collapses in in itself. 

Monogamy vs nonmonogamy should be an interesting topic for a movie. Creating your own rules by rejecting heteronormative demands for monogamy, or choosing the fulfillment found in remaining faithful to one person. This is more than enough to fuel a story. 

Except that none of this is dealt with in any depth beyond having Grey repeatedly say that nonmonogamy is important to him while never explaining why, and protagonist Ben repeatedly saying that monogamy is important to him while also never explaining why.

The movie goes along as expected, where they break up, but then abruptly ends with them back together again with no real change in the status quo and no explanation of why Ben suddenly decided he was okay with Grey having sex with other men other than just saying that he did. The lack of explanation makes it seem as if the movie is an argument for settling for less than what you want in a relationship. I'm pretty sure that's not what the creators intended, but unfortunately it feels like the skill level was not high enough to do more than that. 

The other movie I've seen writer/actor Ronnie Kerr in, Saltwater, is more or less the same basic story with the same problem. Two men, apparently perfect for each other, have one irresolvable issue that they can't work out that prevents them from being boyfriends. Except that they do suddenly get together at the end of the movie with seconds to spare, not by showing them dealing with the problem, but rather only with a quick line of dialogue just saying that they did. 

I like Ronnie Kerr as an actor, and he does "regular gay guy" well enough, but so far the movies I've seen him in are kind of bad. 

Women: 

Friends 

People of color: 

One sassy employee 

Gratuitous nudity:

Yes

• Director: Devin Hamilton
• Writer: Ronnie Kerr
• Actors: Ronnie Kerr, Scott Gabelein
• 787 min
• IMDB 

Altitude Falling (U.S. 2010)

The Gist:

Against a backdrop of a near future dystopian America that implants its citizens with ID tracking chips, an older man meets a younger guy (with connections to his past) and they fall in love. 

Comments:

The idea of the loss of secrecy due to technology is topic in need of discussion, but in this movie it ends up being boring. Part of the problem is that for a movie being sold as a suspenseful science fiction flick there is very little suspense or action. It also gets bogged down in some of the stereotypes of low budget movies such as bad acting. The young gay guy is very painful to watch at times. 

There's also the fact that more focus is given to the romantic pairing between older guy and young gay then the world they live in. Although this focus may not be surprising given that cross generational romance seems to be a common theme in writer/director/lead actor Paul Bright's movies. 

Even if you have no issues with someone dating a barely legal person more than young enough to be his son, this particular relationship is still questionable because as the story explains older guy is romancing the estranged son of his best friend (whom he also lusted for back in college).  Instead of a testament that when it comes to love, age doesn't matter, the details make the relationship seem creepy. 

Romance aside the oppressive government plot is also strange. Apparently in a decade or so the United States becomes a capitalist / communist / fascist dictatorship, where a female president passes laws directly, forcing people to ride bikes and grow their own food in federally run community gardens. Dialogue makes it seem that all these contradictory adjectives are an un-ironic comment on the Obama presidency (because using hope as a campaign slogan was bad?). 

In short, this is a whole lot of words to say that the movie is "meh."

Women:

The young gay's mother and grandmother

People of color:

If there were any, I blinked and missed them

Gratuitous nudity:

Maybe? I saw none, but an actual real review of the movie mentioned nudity. I saw it online so I guess that version was edited.

• Director: Paul Bright
• Writer: Paul Bright
• Actors: Paul Bright, William Diamond
• 93 min
• Note: The title is mentioned in dialogue as being a bit of Orwellian government double speak. In this global warming disaster affected near future it's not the oceans that are rising, but rather mountains (altitudes) that are lowering. 
• IMDB

KickOff (UK 2010)

The Gist:

A gay 5 man Sunday football (soccer) league team, whose members all have issues to deal with, are about to play their first game. Unfortunately it's against the toughest bad rep team in the league (whose members also all have issues to deal with).

Comments:

The movie has many elements that should have made me love it: a large multicultural cast, varied sexuality, it's loud and bright, and sharp yet playful. Instead I just thought it was barely ok. 

Unfortunately instead of coming off as natural and a reflection of the real world, it  feels formulaic and kind of preachy. Every footballer has an issue to work through, and each one is given time to do so, leading to a story juggling drugs, internalized homophobia, questions of paternity, metrosexual-phobia, and more, and more, and more, to the point that the repetitiveness of looping subplots gets a little exhausting. So much is going on (and quickly resolved) that it's difficult to care about anyone.

Still, it's not a bad movie, just a really weak one.  Rikki Beadle Blair is the best thing in it, although in the end, watching him play a fey, gay dad of an angst-y teen made me wish I were instead watching him play a fey, gay dad of an agnst-y teen in Metrosexuality (a great British TV show).

Women:

Yes

People of color:

Yes

Gratuitous nudity:

One joke scene

• Director: Rikki Beadle Blair
• Writer: Rikki Beadle Blair
• Actors: Duncan MacInnes, Ian Sharp, Ludvig Bonin, Rikki Beadle Blair
• 99 min
• IMDB

You Should Meet My Son (U.S. 2010)

The Gist: 

After years of trying to set up her son with eligible women over Sunday dinners, a mother learns that her son is gay. Determined that he not live his life alone, she and her sister set out to find him a husband. 

Comments:

It's a cute movie that does a good job of being amusing and is, well, for lack of a better word, cute. 

There are a few issues, some jokes fall flat, acting levels vary a bit, and the "gay bar as menagerie of wildly varying stereotypes" is so cliche that it needs to be retired, but for the most part the movie works as a light entertainment comedy with a "serious" message of acceptance and unconditional love.

Worth a watch if you're in the mood for a silly, big-hearted indie movie that doesn't require any thought on your part and that is again, amusing and cute. 

Women:

Several

People of color:

Several

Gratuitous nudity:

Nope

• Director: Keith Hartman
• Writer: Keith Hartman 
• Actors: Joanne McGee, Carol Goans, Stewart Carrico
• 85 min
• IMDB

Violet Tendencies (U.S. 2010)

The Gist:

Violet is the "last fag hag in New York," or at least the last woman left in her crowd of friends, all gay men. Rapidly approaching 40 and still single, she is facing the prospect that in order to find a boyfriend she may need to quit her "boys" cold turkey and leave the gay world behind, because it's not like she's going to find a straight man hanging out at gay bars. Also, there's two subplots where two gay couples don't do very much, but drama happens anyway.

Comments (with a couple unimportant spoilers):

Mindy Cohn plays Violet, so the expected joke in writing about the movie would be something about how Natalie from the Facts of Life grew up to be a middle aged fag hag in New York. Although oddly she's not the only familiar face in the movie. I recognized a few men from other indie gay movies, so my viewing went like this: 

"Hey, I remember him. He played a gay writer in another gay movie. Huh. He's a gay writer in this one." 

"Hey I remember that other guy. He played a slutty gay in another gay movie. Huh. He's a slutty gay in this one."

So the lesson is that not only can you be typecast as gay but as a specific kind of gay? Or maybe the lesson is that roles available in indie gay movies are a bit limited, or maybe I'm being too harsh.  

Regardless, the movie is neither good, nor bad, just average. It's also a bit over long, and unfortunately spends a bit too much time on the secondary (and uninteresting) gay characters instead of Mindy, er, Violet. 

Actually, there is something interesting about the her gay boys. The idea is thrown out that they take her for granted and to a certain extent sabotage her attempts at relationships. In the end this is supposed to be untrue because they "love her," yet, pretty much all the movie does is show them taking her for granted and to a certain extent sabotaging her attempts at having a long term relationship.

There is a caveat to my saying the movie is just average, which is that this is obviously not a good movie to watch if you object to the term "fag hag" (or jokes about women's body parts, or lewd humor).

Women:

The protagonist, a co-worker, and a couple other minor roles. 

People of color:

A couple

Gratuitous nudity:

Not technically, though there are some rather revealing gogo boy outfits.

• Director: Casper Andreas
• Writer: Jesse Archer
• Actors: Mindy Cohn, Marcus Patrick, Jesse Archer
• 99 min
• IMDB

BearCity (US 2010)

The Gist:

After accepting that what he really wants in life is a big hairy bear, a young man embraces the bear community, and is welcomed into a group of friends, each dealing with their own lives and issues. As he becomes more comfortable with his new life, our young gay (not especially bear-ish) protagonist works on getting a boyfriend, specifically the hottest, most popular (read: sluttiest), silver fox, "daddy" in town.

Comment with no important spoilers:

I wanted to like the movie a lot more than I did, but unfortunately there were a few too many issues for me to fully get into it. 

Mainly that there is just way too much going on. There are a couple movies worth of material here if not a short run TV show. In addition to the main story of protagonist chasing after his silver fox daddy; there is also an out-of-work chub guy deciding to lose weight by surgery, only to lose his hot chaser boyfriend instead; as well as gay couple deciding to try non-monogamy despite their concerns of what it may do to their relationship.

There are hints of interesting threads to follow, but not enough time to deal with them so things are dealt with only superficially or ignored. Why is the silver fox daddy so afraid of relationships?  Why is he so mean to the young guy? Will the young guy and the silver fox daddy deal with the fact that they are at least twenty years apart in age? These are just a few examples, and only from the main storyline, which is actually the least interesting of the three stories presented.

Another negative was that there were a few distracting technical/ low budget issues (jumbling day and night in the same scene always tends to throw me when noticeable).

On the other hand, the acting is relatively good and these are NOT the same stories that are told over and over again. 

At the very least this is worth a try… as long as you aren't bothered by naked, stocky, hairy men in sex scenes that is, because this movie abounds in sex scenes a la Queer as Folk (i.e., show everything but penis). 

Actually, I'd add another caveat, if the word husbear makes you cringe, this is probably not the best bear movie for you.  

Women:

Not really.

People of Color:

A couple

Gratuitous nudity:

Lots and lots of nudity and very hairy sex scenes.

• Director: Douglas Langway
• Writer: Douglas Langway
• Actors: Joe Conti, Christian Dante White, James Martines, Stephen Guarino
• 104 min
• Spanish
• IMDB

Is It Just Me? (US 2010)

The Gist:

In a city filled to overflowing with hot gay men only interested in quick hook ups with other equally hot gay men, can Blain, an average looking gay man find a chance at true love? Of course he will, and his name is Xander. The actual question is when an online profile picture mix up leads to a case of mistaken identity between Blain and his sexy roommate Cameron, who will Xander choose?

Comments with spoilers:

I was prepared to be annoyed by the movie when the first couple of scenes set up the idea that Blain was the only good guy in Los Angeles, because he was interested in dating and romance, while everyone else in the city was a rude slut. I was also all set to be annoyed by the idea that despite being played by an attractive actor, Blain was supposed to be “average” looking.

Luckily, it did not turn out to be as bad as I feared. Though to elaborate on Blain not being handsome, the story makes it clear (by way of friends telling him repeatedly), that Blain really is a good looking guy (which in itself is kind of annoying, watching pretty people being told they are pretty). 

So what we have in the movie is a good looking guy with low self esteem acting like a pill while trying to start a relationship with another good looking guy. Which brings up the question of why anyone would want to be with such a self-deprecating negative stick in the mud.  

Worse, a self-deprecating negative stick in the mud who is a lying idiot. Then again, it is a mistaken identity romance comedy based on a Three’s Company worthy mix up. If our protagonist weren't a lying idiot and simply told his date the truth that he was not his go-go boy roommate, there wouldn't be a movie. Well, at least not this movie.

His lying idiot antics were amusing to me, not in and of themselves, but in the implications. The movie plays up the idea that lying Blain is a much better catch than his shallow vain roommate Cameron. The problem, for me at least, is that roommate Cameron (and nearly everyone else in the movie) is arguably a much better person than lying Blain. Cameron is vain and shallow yes, but also honest and loyal. By the end of the story he also ends up in a relationship, except that his path to romance is filled with not so much with hijinks and lies as much as lots and lots of sex. 

This sounds as if I hated the movie, but in truth, I didn’t. Flaws aside, this is a good enough movie with fair acting that does an ok job of telling a goofy story of two guys falling in love.

Women:

Two, a best friend and a secretary. 

People of color:

Best friend and occasional guy in background.

Gratuitous nudity:

While not technically naked, there is barely dressed male eye candy by way of go-go dancers which fulfills the gay movie stereotype of requiring bare skin. The actual gratuitous nudity comes by way of a quick flash of bare butt. 

• Director: J.C. Calciano
• Writer: J.C. Calciano
• Actors: Nicholas Downs, David Loren, Adam Huss
• 93 min
• IMDB