Chef's Special (Fuera de Carta) (Spain 2008)

The Gist:

Maxi, an out gay chef focused on getting a Michelin star for his restaurant has his life thrown into chaos when his children from a failed marriage move in with him right at the same time a rather famous and handsome football (soccer) player moves in next door. 

Comments:

Poking around online it seems that some people are annoyed by the movie's politically incorrect humor and/or by the fact that protagonist Maxi is far from butch. 

The main, though not sole, issue people seem to have with the humor is that the protagonist's father spends the entire movie continually telling crude homophobic jokes. It's used as proof of his being an asshole, but even so the joke wear thin pretty quick. 

As for the fem lead, well, not every gay dude is a mountain of stereotypical masculinity. Gay equals sissy can get problematic if a single character is meant to represent the entire community, the whole wide spectrum of "gay" to the exclusion of everyone else. Something that isn't going on here. While some of the humor does come from the fact he's a bit swishy, for the most part it is not a joke, but rather just who he is. 

Following the "rules" of gays plus kids equals family storylines, Maxi's children, well, at least the older brother, spends most of the movie being a bratty jerk, though the writing is good enough that unlike other movies with similar storylines, the boys behavior actually makes some sense. 

Despite what seems to be a growing list of problems, I actually likes the movie. It's not exactly great cinema, but it is fun and manages to make some well used worn out storylines entertaining,  if you don't mind non-PC humor that is. 

Women: 

Yes

People of Color: 

No

Gratuitous Nudity: 

No

• Director: Nacho G. Velilla
• Writer: Oriol Capel, David S. Olivas
• Actors: Javier Cámara, Lola Dueñas,Fernando Tejero
• Spanish
• 111 min
• IMDB

Curious (Australia / U.S. 2006)

The Gist: 

After a huge fight with his fiance Beth, Ryan accidently ends up in front of a gay club and enters to satisfy his curiosity, and now must decide if he is perhaps not actually straight. 

At least that's more or less the synopsis of the movie I've found online. A more accurate description would be: Dude goes to a gay bar, does drugs, gay soft-porn sex happens, people are jerks, then he leaves the gay bar. 

Comments with unimportant spoilers:

The reason spoilers are unimportant is because there is no "real" movie here. While advertised as a movie about a man realizing he's gay and what that means for him and his fiancé, it is actually just an essentially plotless, gay, soft-porn flick, consisting of a series of overly long porn scenes featuring men touching each other's chests and arms while moaning and making strained orgasm faces. The closest it comes to a story is through the use of voiceovers at the start of the movie explaining the dude had a fight with his girlfriend, then again at the end once the sex scenes are over explaining that yes he is gay. 

While I don't have an issue with porn, the misleading description of the movie made it a disappointing / annoying view. Beyond the misdirection, the other major problem is that it's bad. The acting is terrible and there's an over dependence on voiceovers to explain what is happening rather than just showing it. Worst of all, it's dull. A problem faced to an extent by all soft-porn movies I guess. An hours worth of men doing nothing but rubbing each others chests and arms and not much else gets boring rather quickly. 

The best thing in the movie is a scene where you get to hear a go-go boy's thoughts as he makes lusty faces at himself in a mirror, rubbing his chest and arms, while thinking about how much he loves being ogled by his customers. You can tell the scene is artistic because it's shot in black and white. It's so over the top serious, it ends up unintentionally hilarious. Unfortunately it, like all the other porn scenes, goes on for too long and so quickly becomes as boring as the rest of the movie. 

So in the end, as a regular movie, there's nothing there. As porn it's dull. Not worth watching. 

Women:

One 

People of color:

Maybe? 

Gratuitous nudity:

Is nudity gratuitous in a porn movie? Surprisingly, or not, while there is a lot of skin, butt shots are about as risqué as it gets

• Director: Jaime Hendrix
• Writer: Jaime Hendrix
• Actors: Tristian Hamilton, Libby Butler, Paul Peredes, Kieth Hamilton
• 74 min
• Color, and Black and White
• Note: The actor playing the lead, Tristian Hamilton, is apparently better known as porn star Rogan Richards
• IMDB

Go Go G-Boys (Dang Wo Men Tong Zai Yi Qi) (Taiwan 2006)

The Gist:

Hong decides to pretend to be gay and join the "gays only" G-Boys contest, hoping to use the winnings to pay off his ever increasing credit card debt incurred by his shopaholic girlfriend. His best friend Shin joins the contest because being gay he is of course hopelessly in love with Hong and will do anything for him, since that's exactly what the gays do; martyr themselves whenever possible for straight dudes. 

As this is going on other things are happening. Minor unimportant stuff like a crazy man threatening to bomb the contest. 

Comments:

I spent a few minutes looking around online for information about the movie and didn't find too much, and no actual professional reviews. What I did find were people commenting how funny the movie was, how sexy the actors were, and how much they loved finally finding a non-depressing gay movie with a happy ending.

I guess I'm a stick in the mud because while admittedly the leads are cute, I thought the movie was bad. 

The story is flat and considering it is a romantic comedy it is not that funny, despite all the crazy, wild antics going on. Perhaps worse, the romance you are supposed to be rooting for, given it involves a gay guy dead set on being a victim in his desire to have a tragic unrequited love for his idiot straight friend, is problematic at best. 

On the plus side, a subplot about a young guy finding love and having to come out to his father because he joined the contest was sort of sweet, even if it made no sense (it didn't occur to the young man that joining an all gay contest would tip his father that he was gay).

While the movie spends far too much time making dumb gay jokes, once it settles down and begins to focus on the contest, it actually treats the contestants as "normal" characters instead of gay caricatures. Well, almost at least.  

So I guess depending on viewpoint it's either a fun non-depressing movie or it's not really worth watching. 

Women:

One

People of color:

Yes

Gratuitous nudity:

No, though there are several men in skimpy swimsuit scenes. 

• Director: Jong-jong Yu
• Writer: not listed 
• Actors: TAE, Chen-Kang Tang, Yu Fa Yang 
• 90 min
• Cantonese
• IMDB 

Angora Ranch (U.S. 2006)

The Gist:

Justin, a young guy who does not get along with his father ends up having to stay over night at the home of Jack, a man old enough to be his father (who in turn also has father issues he is dealing with). They fall into instant love despite the half hearted protests of the older man. Drama ensues. 

Comments:

Unfortunately the movie has problems. A common outcome in many low budget movies where the writer, director, and lead actor are all the same person. In this case Paul Bright, although unlike Altitude Falling, his other May / December gay romance movie between an older man (him) and a guy young enough to be his son, the pairing in this movie is not creepy, just dull. Which is the main issue here, the story is just not interesting. 

Younger gay Justin has issues with his overbearing father and things happen. Older gay Jack has issues with his father who is in the first stages of dementia and things happen. Things get soap opera level silly at the end of the movie, but for the majority of time it's just a rather sedate story with occasional flashes of butts as the leads get in and out bed.

Beyond dullness there are also issues with poor acting, stilted dialogue, horrendous singing, and strange story decisions, such as having everyone in a small, podunk, deep in the heart of Texas town be not only super gay friendly, but also aggressively eager to hook up a young kid with their middle aged friend. The other oddity is in casting with Jack and his father looking more like brothers than parent and son, Apparently the actor playing Jack's father was his real life partner (who died after the movie was made).

Technical issues aside, the basic idea is not necessarily bad: a flawed man meets a younger guy and they make a go of it. It's just that the movie makes the story uninteresting. 

Women:

A couple 

People of color:

No 

Gratuitous nudity:

Occasional bare butts

• Director: Paul Bright
• Writer: Paul Bright
• Actors: Paul Bright, Thomas Romano, Tim Jones
• 96 min
• IMDB

The Man of My Life (L'Homme de sa Vie) (France 2006)

The Gist:

A French family holiday in a large house in Provence. As summer rolls on, the middle-aged husband becomes close friends with the middle aged openly gay neighbor, forming a relationship that as it deepens challenges the basic truths both men have built their lives on. 

Comments (with spoilers both minor and perhaps technically more than minor):

Looking around online it seems that some people hate this movie because of long conversations between the two leads as they discuss and argue about the nature of love, passion, and freedom; and mysterious (or at least odd) happenings, such as a strange breeze that forever blows through the kitchen.  All reasons that I liked it and rather enjoyed it. 

From the description and the fact it gets included in lists of gay films, the expectation is that the two male leads fall in love and this would nothing more than a coming out story set against some rather gorgeous scenery. What it actually is a lot more complicated then that and a much better movie because of that complexity. Well, better as long as long conversations about the nature of love, passion, and freedom don't bore you. If that sounds sounds dull, then the movie would be tedious. 

Women:

Many

People of Color:

No

Gratuitous Nudity:

Nude swimming happens

• Director: Zabou Brietman
• Writers: Zabou Brietman, Agnès de Sacy
• Actors: Bernard Campan, Lea Drucker, Charles Berling
• 114 min
• French
• IMDB

Love life (U.S. 2006)

The Gist:

Joe and Mary, a closeted, gay, former pro-athlete and a fairly repressed lesbian, are in a marriage of convenience, for both appearance sake, and for Mary to not be cut from family money by her mother. While the rules of their marriage allow for (discrete) sex with other people, an emotional connection with anyone else is forbidden, a rule that is tested when an old (female) college friend visits Mary, and what should just be a quick hook up with a man threatens to turn into something more for Joe. 

Comments:

We have "closeted although he apparently constantly cruises parks for sex with men" husband Joe and "closeted to the point of repressing all emotions as much as possible" wife Mary, and the two people who end up testing the rules of Joe and Mary's farce of a marriage: out gay landscaper Thomas and out lesbian friend from college Aura. 

All in all a rather attractive, if not particularly likable group of people. Actually unlikeable is being polite. At times they, especially the two leads, act like complete and utter jerks, although perhaps this is understandable considering the restrictions of their fake marriage has made them both miserable, as the dialogue and over-obvious metaphors make abundantly clear (their house is undergoing a remodel so the interior is covered in confining, oppressive plastic tarps, and if that weren't clear enough, dead plants abound).

It has some of the standard low budget movie technical issues, and while not exactly bad, is not exactly good either. It's main fault is that the story is simple enough that even at a relatively brief 72 minutes, it goes on way too long, and ends up feeling like it might have been better as a relatively brief short film. 

Women 

The wife, her friend, a reporter, and that's about it, although in its defense, the movie has a very small cast. 

People of color:

One rude reporter, although again, a small cast.

Gratuitous nudity: 

A male lead who sheds clothes at the drop of a hat, and multiple sex/love making scenes, so yes, both boy and girl "bits" are on display, although it does a good enough job of making it feel natural that gratuitous is not quite the right adjective.

• Director: Damion Dietz
• Writer: Damion Dietz
• Actors: Stephen D. Gill, Stephanie Kirchen, Keith Bearden, Jill Kirchen
• 72 min
• Note: I listened to the DVD director's commentary, and the most interesting thing was not about the movie itself, but rather about reactions to the movie, mainly about how assorted LGBT film festivals tripped over themselves at trying to figure out how to schedule a movie that had both gay men AND lesbians characters, and thus wouldn't fit into their neat (and segregated) boxes of L or G or B or T films. 
• IMDB

Cowboy Junction (U.S. 2006)

The Gist:

A closeted married man has an encounter  (i.e., hooks up) with a young gay man, the cowboy of the movie, and brings him back home to work as a handyman. While he's off at work, the young man and wife become friendly, which threatens to reveal dangerous secrets. 

Comments:

I'll play nice and not reveal the details of the big secret of the movie other than to say that the secret was so obvious that by the the end of the movie it was not so much shocking as a relief the story was finally over. In other words the movie is unfortunately not really good. 

The story is "whatever," the acting just ok, and overall the production was, well odd, but the question is if the oddness was intentional or not. 

For example, the set up of a married man hiring a live-in handyman implies a large home, but instead of that there's a small cramped house on a busy street, which adds to the sense of desperation on the husbands part and the obliviousness of the wife as to what her husband is up to.

If deliberate it would be an interesting way to deal with characterization, but considering the poor quality of other aspects of the movie, it feels like the oddness was more than likely just an accident of budget constraints. 

The best thing I can say about the movie is that at least the folks involved tried to make something interesting, it's just unfortunate that the basic story couldn't sustain a movie. 

Women:

One, the wife, given that this is in essence a three person play, not as bad a ratio as it sounds.

People of color:

None.

Gratuitous nudity:

Yes, or no, depending on your definition of gratuitous nudity when it comes to sex scenes.

• Director: Gregory Christian
• Writer: Gregory Christian
• Actors: Gregory Christian, Elyse Mirto, James Michael Bobby
• 80 min
• IMDB

Long-Term Relationship (U.S. 2006)

The Gist:

X = Mr. Slutty Gay

Y = Old fashioned romantic gay man new to town. 

Looking for a relationship Y takes out an ad in a gay newspaper. Yes, considering it's actually not that old, the movie is already badly dated. Anyway, tired of his slutty life X answers the ad. X meets Y. They date and fall in love, but have a problem. Can they make a relationship work when X + Y = terrible sex?

Comments: 

The silly equation of X + Y = terrible sex is an over simplification. The two leads have many other issues beyond sex. In fact so much time is spent showing us that these guys are not a good match that no amount of counterpoint "we are so cute together" montages can overcome the negatives. 

Despite an unrealistic romantic comedy "everything will work out in the end" attitude, a mutual love of Douglas Adams' work is probably not the core value needed for a successful relationship to work. In the real world they would make much better friends than husbands.

Questionable romance aside, The acting ranged from ok to fairly good, I liked that it was pointed out that our slutty protagonist uses condoms, and overall the movie was good enough that while not great, it wasn't exactly bad either, just a little boring.

Women:

Two and a half. The half being an off screen voice. 

People of Color:

One female best friend. 

Gratuitous nudity:

Full frontal within the first five minutes, so yes.

• Director: Rob Williams
• Writer: Rob Williams
• Actors: Matthew Montgomery, Windham Beacham
• 97 min
• IMDB