Gaydar (US 2002)

The Gist: 

Randy comes across the ultimate yard sale find, a “gaydar” gun that can tell if a person is gay or straight. Something that would come in handy in figuring out the facts about Jack, the cute man at work that everyone, gays and women alike, has a huge crush on. 

Comments:

A comedy short film where gaydar, the ability to tell if someone is gay or not, is not only real, it’s a goofy looking handheld appliance.  

There’s appearances by Charles Nelson Reilly and Jim J. Bullock, and the lead Terry Ray is amusing as our childish fey lead. In truth there’s not much to the story, just goofy silly fun.

Women:

Yes

People of color:

Yes

Gratuitous nudity:

No

• Director: Larry LaFond
• Writers: Larry LaFond, Terry ray
• Actors: Terry Ray, Bryan Dattilo, Charles Nelson Reily 
• Short film
• 20 minutes
• IMDB

Homo Heights (US 1998)

The Gist:

Gay icon Malcolm (Quentin Crisp), beloved by all the people of Homo Heights (an apparent all queer city) is not so secretly a prisoner of Maria Callous (Stephen Sorrentino), drag queen leader of the gay mafia.  

Malcolm wants to leave, womanizer Clementine (Lea Delaria) wants her old girlfriend Stella back. Stella wants her new girlfriend Blanche to be less annoying. Nerdy reporter Tootsie wants a scoop. 

Comments:

This is an odd duck of a movie. It is a high camp comedy that despite the implications of those adjectives is not merely loud and obnoxious, but also at times fairly calm and subdued. 

Calm being the result of casting of Quentin Crisp, who was in his late eighties at the time, and filled his his scenes with softness and muted elegance as he more or less plays himself, quoting Oscar Wild and acting somewhat bemused by everything around him as his character waits calmly to leave the earthly plane behind. 

Despite sounding like an odd combo, some of the best scenes here involve Crisp and Delaria playing off each other. There seems to be a genuine fondness between them. Stephen Sorrentino as Maria Callous is also amusing as the drag queen mafiosa. 

There's not much to the story, at least to the main story of holding Malcom against his will. While there's a bit more to the Clementine romance subplot, actual plot seems besides the point here, which is letting Quentin Crisp just be his fey self, interspersed with humorous scenes of lesbian dramedy and gangster drag queens.

The movie is quirky and doesn't entirely work, bouncing back and forth from loud and wacky to smooth and creamy, and yet I'm really fond of it. 

Women:

Yes

People of color:

A couple of drag queens 

Gratuitous nudity:

No

• Director: Sara Moore
• Writer: Sara Moore
• Actors: Quentin Crisp, Lea DeLaria, Stephen Sorrentino 
• 92 minutes
• IMDB

Majorettes in Space (Des majorettes dans l'espace (France 1997)

The Gist:

In a filmed lecture we are told of heterosexuals, homosexuals, cosmonauts, majorettes, the pope, and AIDS. 

Comments:

This is a French (very) short film using filmed scenes, stock footage, stop motion animation, and the convention of a dry education video to make simultaneously amusing yet no fucks given 1990's AIDS activist era commentary on the injustice / ridiculousness  of the church’s / society’s reaction to AIDS. 

It’s very short, only a few minutes long and does a good job at what it sets out to do.

Women:

Yes

People of color:

No

Gratuitous nudity:

There is brief full nudity, presented as banal, yet simultaneously in your face confrontational, so gratuitous is not the best word for it 

• Director: David Fourier
• Writer: David Fourier
• Actors: ELise Laurent, Jean-Marc Delacruz, Olivier Laville
• French
• Short film
• 6 Minutes
• IMDB

Bed Buddies (US 2016)

The Gist: 

Three best friends wake up from a night of drinking and realize they might have accidentally all slept with each other. 

Comments:

In this short film we have three men, best friends, waking up from a night of heavy drinking, to realize they’ve crossed the boundaries of friendship, so try to figure out what this means by talking about it. A lot. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing except that the dialogue drifts from things actual real people would say into monologues that while they sound deep and meaningful, also sound a bit fake.

While our boys tend to get a bit melodramatic about their situation, it is just sex after all, there is some merit to their freaking out over the possibility of screwing up their friendship. Unfortunately, the acting and writing dilutes this concern, so while the movie is cute and sexy, it feels like it could have been better.  

Women:

No

People of color:

One of a cast of four 

Gratuitous nudity:

Implied nudity along with implied sex 

• Director: Reid Waterer
• Writer: Reid Waterer
• Actors: Dylan Wayne Lawrence, Daniel Lipshutz, Enzo Nove
• T15 minutes
• Short film
• Color and Black & White
• IMDB

This Car Up (US 2003)

The Gist:

Two men, who both believe in chance or is it fate, have a chance encounter or was it fate?

Comments:

This is a short film told in a visually interesting style of having the screen split into four quadrants, allowing us to simultaneously see both men and their thoughts. Thoughts ruled by this idea of random chance / fate as shown by spinning slot machine wheels as they can’t stop thinking of their chance meeting.

The plot is essentially just the story of two men meeting, a simple ‘meet cute,’ but the visual trick makes it more interesting than it would have been otherwise. 

It’s cute. It’s short. It’s fun. 

Women:

Yes, barely. To be fair, other than the two men there are barely any roles, and even the two men barely speak. 

People of color:

No

Gratuitous nudity:

No

• Director: Eric Mueller
• Writer: Eric Muller
• Actors: Mike Booth, Brent Doylke
• Short film
• Note: the title is a reference to elevators 
• 16 minutes
• IMDB

Sauna of the Dead: A Fairy Tale (UK 2016)

The Gist:

A bored man goes to a bath house just in time for a zombie attack.

Comments:

A short film where we have men getting together for sex turning into a zombie horror story. Considering this setup I expected the movie to turn into a metaphor about AIDS. It didn’t, which I guess says more about me than the movie, specifically my age, that my first thought was of course a story like this would use zombies as metaphor either for AIDS or fear of AIDS.   

But again, it doesn't. There is metaphor happening, but for a much more modern (or not) issue of making a human connection instead of just using each other for meaningless sex, which could count as spoiler, but I’m deciding doesn’t since the movie broadcasts this idea fairly quickly early on in its short run time. 

I’m not a huge horror person, but this is done rather well and worth checking out. 

Women:

No

People of color:

Yes 

Gratuitous nudity:

No, everyone manages to keep a towel on, even when turned into flesh eating undead 

• Director: Tom Frederic
• Writer: Tom Frederic
• Actors: Tom Frederic, Kumar Muniandy
• Short film 
• 21 minutes
• IMDB 

Walk a Mile in my Prada’s (US 2011)

The Gist: 

An obnoxious homophobe and a gay man switch sexual orientations due to “christmas magic,” teaching the former straight man a much needed lesson about not being an ass, and the former gay man an unneeded lesson about love. Will they be able to change back before the straight dude gets married or will the change be permanent? Why should the audience care?

Comments:

The movie is terrible, almost painful to watch at times. While it has some lower budget movie issues, the real problem is with the plot and how it’s handled. 

In order for “switching places” stories to work there needs to be a balance, a sense of symmetry between the “lessons learned,” wherein the switched people discover sympathy for the hardships the other person faces from life. 

There is no symmetry here. Straight dude was a homophobic asshole. Being “gay” for a few days teaches him to release the hate and be a decent human being. 

A symmetrical story would require the gay dude to be an equally massive jerk who is shocked to discover that it’s okay to be straight. A ludicrous lesson, so instead he finds out he loves his boyfriend, which he already knew. Because there's nothing to his story he only pops up occasionally in the movie for dumb pointless jokes about straight men. 

Dumb pointless jokes being another annoying thing about the movie. That switching orientations doesn’t merely mean being attracted to a different sex but rather fulfilling outdated stereotypes. Presumably jokes where the punch line is that straight men drink beer and love to leer at women's breasts, while gay men drink cosmos and know how to cook, were meant to be funny. They aren't. 

Despite whatever good intentions the creators may have had, the result is a "gay" movie that feels somewhat homophobic and insulting to the audience. 

Women:

Yes

People of color:

Yes

Gratuitous nudity:

Sort of 

• Director: Joey Sylvester
• Writer: Rick Karatas (aka Rick Sudi Karatas)
• Actors: Nathaniel Marston, Tom Archdeacon, Tom Arnold
• 87 minutes
• IMDB

Floating Skyscrapers (Płynace wieźowce) ( Poland 2013)

The Gist:

Kuba, a young man who has trained most of his life to be a professional swimmer, meets and falls in love with another man, throwing his regimented, aggressively controlled life, including his relationships with his mother and girlfriend, into chaos. 

Comments (with an unspecific spoiler that's still a spoiler): 

Set in Warsaw this is apparently one of the first Polish movies to deal with being gay which may explain why while it is contemporary, it feels very old fashioned and somewhat outdated, being a story where coming out MUST lead into a painful situation that can only end badly. 

I don't know enough to comment on the state of Polish gay culture, but it does feel like there are phases that local queer cinema goes through and if this movie is an indication, they are still in a phase where, regardless of reality, in popular entertainment at least, happiness and living openly are seen as incompatible. A phase now past for the most part in American movies. 

That aside, the story is told well as we see Kuba attempting to deal with accepting what he wants in love and life with another man verses his actual life with his girlfriend and overly dependent mother. 

The movie is also beautiful to look at, dominated by an urban landscape all grays and blues. 

It's also rather sexual in a no nonsense realistic manner. So the answer to my continual question of does a movie fill the gay flick stereotype of having pointless  gratuitous nudity, is a resounding "maybe."  There's plenty of naked bodies in gym showers and during sex scenes here, but is it strictly unneeded if it helps tell the story? Then again if it had been told without nudity would it have been the same story? 

All in all it would be worth a watch if you have not yet burned out on sad coming out stories.

Women: 

Yes

People of Color: 

No

Gratuitous nudity: 

Maybe? There's plenty of nudity, both male and female, and as I write this I consider it as an artist choice but I could see an argument against this opinion. 

• Director: Tomasz Wasilewski
• Writers: Tomasz Wasilewski
• Actors: Mateusz Banasiuk, Marta Nierdkiewicz, Bartosz Geiner
• 93 minutes 
• in Polish
• IMDB

Unsolved Suburbia (US 2010)

The Gist:

Bisexual high school student Marty and his friends try to solve the case of who shot their friend Eddie while Eddie was in a car making out with his boyfriend Thomas.

At least that’s more or less the plot description I’ve found online. The movie I saw fell more along the lines of: 

No one tries to solve an attempted murder. We eventually get told what happened by someone who wasn’t there and would have no way of knowing what happened. Characters who are supposed to be in high school and may or or may not be of legal age take off their clothes a lot for no reason. 

Comments with spoilers because I don't care: 

So we have a sort of film noir wanna-be murder mystery where there is no actual murder and no one takes on the detective role trying to solve the case of “Who tried to kill Eddie, his angry gangbanger brother or Eddie’s boyfriend’s angry gangbanger brother?" 

A movie where teenagers, both boys and girls, take their clothes off for no reason. One where character after character after character is introduced yet they all don’t seem to be in the same movie, some are in a mobster flick, some are in a high school teen sex comedy, others in an “I can’t accept my gay family member because I’m ethnic” coming out melodrama, others in a gang banger movie, and yet others are in a teen angst drama. 

A movie where characters are all written to operate in only one of two modes, weepy sad or mean bitch, and yet none of the actors have enough skill to pull either off, settling into a medium of whiny cranky. 

So yeah, this thing is a huge mess with numerous problems including an overly confusing and ultimately boring story that feels like it took several hours to tell despite only being an hour or so long. 

Women:

Yes

People of color:

Yes

Gratuitous nudity: 

Yes, both "teenage" boys and girls drop clothes for no reason

• Director: Cheetah Gonzalez (aka Steven Vasquez) 
• Writers: Jeremy Huntington, Cheetah Gonzalez (aka Steven Vasquez) 
• Actors: Johnny Lockhart, Steven Christopher, Aleksandr Dissan, David Blanco
• 65 minutes
• IMDB

4th Man Out (US 2015)

The Gist:

On his 24th birthday, a “regular” dude comes out of the closet as gay, throwing his unsuspecting close knit circle of male friends into confusion as they figure out the new status quo. 

Comments:

“Regular” guy comes out as gay confusing his clueless friends and family who all assumed he was straight because he was not feminine is not an uncommon sub-genre of gay films. Unfortunately most of them spend an inordinate amount of time avoiding dealing with the actual queer person in favor of how his news affects all the straight people around him. In other words in this type of the movie the gay man is usually only a minor character in his own movie, so it ends being all about straight angst, and boring as a result. 

This movie is better than most, because while it doesn’t avoid straight angst, it does expand the scope of focus to have two protagonists, both the straight and gay best friends, so in addition to straight angst we have a heavy large dose of gay angst as well. Which sounds like an insult but isn’t intended to be. 

This is emotional drama story time, so angst is a “good” thing here , and not forgetting the movie is actually about a gay man makes it more interesting than most, letting us see our newly out gay mechanic deal with dating men and figuring out how his friendships have changed, as well as showing his straight best friend do the same. 

The movie is totally predictable, with no surprises, and yet it ends up being fairly good, and worth a watch if you’re in the mood for warm hearted drama.

Women:

Yes 

People of color: 

A couple  of very minor roles 

Gratuitous nudity:

No 

• Director: Andrew Nackman
• Writer: Aaron Danncik
• Actors: Parker Young, Evan Todd, Chord Overstreet
• 86 minutes
• IMDB